#Unfold : To Be or Not To Be

"I'll be a surgeon."

   Said a 13 years old me as I were asked by my parents what will I be in the future. For my whole life the concept of future is about making money, become rich and live happily. I learned that system from my dad and my dad learned that from my grandpa.

For three years in middle school, I've always at the top of my class and spend so little time with friends or do something I'm passionate about. Though I managed to do photography and graphic design as often as possible a word of my dad always stops me. "Never ever take art as your way of life, you'll fail and never be rich."

My money oriented brain, which I inherited from my dad and his dad, took that warning without thinking twice. I studied at school as hard as I can, my intention at that time was to get accepted at 3 High School therefore I could go to UNPAD medical school. Why? Doctors made money like my mom made donuts. It may seem to take a lot of effort and sacrifice at the beginning but the rest of the journey, you can conclude it youself. 

  Well things were different in high school, I didn't get accepted at my first option school and I started to have existential crisis. What would I be? Where am i going? And a lot more questions to come. Not going to the school I wished forced me to take a leap of faith and convince myself that this is the right path. There's always rainbow after a storm, so I taught  my self to dance under the rain. I tried my best to fit in. It's not an easy thing to do but well what more could I lose? But then the where am i going? question leads me to a conclusion and a new path. Being a doctor isn't my passion, my carpal tunnel syndrome hasn't fixed I have no future as a surgeon, money doesn't lead you to happiness, art is probably my passion I've spent 10 years or more doing art and never get tired of it. And finally there comes a moment where I decide to embrace art as a big chunk of my future.

  My father once told me, "If you really want to start a restaurant, having a business & management degree isn't enough though you graduated from the best university. The key of success is knowing what you are now doing. So, if you're about to start a restaurant, the first thing you need to learn after you graduate from university is learn to cook, then learn to serve customers, then learn to pick good ingredients for your kitchen after that prepare yourself to fail, but then you'll not because you already know what you're doing." That short lecture about business plan opened my mind like sunshine blooms the roses. I tracked down all of my skill, made a list and coming up with future plans. 

It was the second semester of year 10 when I come up with the idea to be a producer, movie producer specifically. I've been working from one production team to another since I was in middle school. From a year book production team to a film production team. From being an assistant to have an assistant myself. For the past few months I've spend more time for my passion more than ever. I even take an apprenticeship for audio mixing. 

People may find learning lot of things is overwhelming, well they're not 100% wrong. I did feel overwhelmed sometimes, managing a time table often confuses me. But that's the fun part. 

  Some people used to say "If you're going to be a producer why would you spend your time learning all those 'small' stuff, just produce a movie already." Well, I take my father's words seriously and from my experience working with a lot kind of project makes my realize that every person in a team has a big role. Beside, when one day I got my own production team I could understand the problem that every person in my team facing. Because being judge by someone who doesn't understand your problem is totally sucks.

Yeah it took couple of years and months of existential crisis to finally realized that the dream I pursue since kindergarten was an illusion, all I followed this whole time was a path that made by my own ego, not a path of success nor happiness. And it truly is a big challenge to after all come up to my parents, tell them that I no longer have interest in being a surgeon. So, for those who still had no idea what their passion is or to whom that's been discouraged by other about your dream, just chill and take your time. Enjoy the process. Ciao Folks! 

#writing #unfold